Wednesday, January 17, 2007

"doctored"

For my initial post, I thought I'd share something from one of my private journals. Perhaps you will find it entertaining, perhaps enlightening. Originally written 03.03.06

Here's a theory for you. This one actually has a pretty high coefficient of adaptability (in that it's quite easily worked into harmony or at least agreeance with other theories), in my humble opinion. (Haha, thinking of all this scientific and rational thought about theories of relationships and women...ultimately is this blog looking for a Grand Unified Theory of Women? haha. Moving on...)

The Ph.D Theory

Suppose for the sake of argument one has two females of above average stats (namely intelligence, personality, and appearance). All other things being equal, I will suggest that the more attractive girl is the one with the greatest Potential hotness Difference, or Ph.D

If I may digress for a moment into a scientific analogy. Across many different sciences we come across the notion of potential difference. This of course is an element, a quantifiable measure of a base, a zero point, and the object's relation (or change with respect) to it. In the case of gravity, it's the height of an object when compared with the relative ground. Obviously, an airplane flying high in the stratosphere has much more potential energy than a swinger at the top of her arc. If you've taken an E&M science class, you would of course know of electric potential energy, used in capacitors and other elements to store electric charge.

Now we relate it back to the double X chromosomes. Just as in basic kinematics, you can choose the zero point to be anywhere convenient to measurement- the actual importance comes from the relative differences. In this case, I'm proposing the greatest attraction derrives from the greatest difference between a girl's positive* outward appearance (in a social sense- how she acts in public, in the daytime, to your parents and friends, her reputation, basic societal qualities deemed "proper" such as virginity and piety, sweetness, kindness, femininity, pink sugar and spice and everything nice) and her negative* private appearance (known ideally only to the significant other, this entails her primal sexual urges, her uninhibited raw energy, her sexuality, drive, libido, dirty talk, costumes, fantasies, and other such elements- how she acts in the bedroom, the opposite of her outward appearance).

Now, for an example.
Girl A and Girl B:

Girl A maintains an image of a pure innocent girl to the world. She generally dresses conservatively, goes to church, and one could reasonably assume she is a virgin.
Girl B has no such qualms, instead prefering to wear revealing clothing, flirting, and even bragging about her sexual conquests and experience.

Now, assume for the sake of the example, in the bedroom, both are the same girl. Passionate and sensual, they both exhibit confidence and sexuality, enjoying the emotional and physical components of intimacy shared with a partner.

By the Ph.D theory, Girl A is hotter, because of the greater difference. With Girl B, the outward and private components are nearly the same. What you see is what you get. With Girl A, there's an element of mystery, secrecy, of knowledge by her signficant other that while her friends and family know her as a sweet and innocent girl, (and she truly may be!, one could hope), when the lights go out she is not timid or insecure, but instead sexual and aggressive.

Potential hotness Difference.


"I've been searching for the daughter
Of the devil himself
I've been searching for an angel in white
I've been waiting for a woman who's a little of both
And I can feel her but she's nowhere in sight"

-One of These Nights by The Eagles






*Note that "postive" and "negative" do not carry traditional connotations. They are not "good" and "bad", but used in a scientific sense, to denote one direction from another.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Alright guys, hang with me on this. This is my first blog post ever, so it may not be very good. But don't make fun of me, I can get pretty insecure about these sorts of things, and I WILL find you... Anywho, I don't think I should be too terrible, I've studied under some of the greats, like Mitch Clem and Jeffery Rowland. If you don't know who those are, more's the pity. Perhaps I should get to the body of my work tonight, I'm not trying to write a novella after all. Have you ever realized how amazing sticky hands are? You know, the things you can get out of gum ball machines, they're some sort of sticky gel and your parents always told you not to slap the wall paper with them? (Sometimes you did when your parents weren't looking, just out of spite and to see why you shouldn't. Then you found out is was because they tore the wall paper and you got spanked.) Anyway, I won a few of these at a school carnival the other night, and they are amazing! They are more than mere toys; it is my personal belief that they can tell you your inner most desires. I discovered this whilst I was trying to find a more practical application for mine than slapping my roommate without getting out of my chair. I began to wonder if, with a little practice, I could reach other items at a distance and bring them to me. My first attempt was to grab a pen on my desk. I missed, but instead reeled in a pack of delicious, minty gum! It was at this point I realized the true intuition of this little marvel. I really didn't need the pen; I was at my computer, typing, but I probably did need some gum, as I had just finished eating my leftover chinese food and had yet to brush my teeth. I think there is more to these sticky hands than meets the eye. I will attempt to experiment further and relay the results on to you, the reader.

Welcome

Hello and welcome to the Lords of the Universe blog. Some of you may infer from the title that we, the Lords, rule the universe. Not true. We simply could rule the universe, should we choose to. We choose not to. Now, we are a caring and loving nobility. Thus, we have found it to our liking to entertain the rest of you. This blog will endeavor to be a source of entertainment to all who read it. Thank you and happy reading.

-The Drewcifer